“In many families there are distortions and http://argoprep.com/blog/norm-referenced-vs-criterion-referenced-test/. For example, a 7-year-old child is going to school on his own, he can make himself a sandwich. At the same time, children who are 16 years old are still woken up by their mother. This indicates that the parents did not give the child the opportunity to be independent,” says the psychologist.
10 reasons why a child may be dependent.
– Age features.
By age, there are things that are given to the child quite difficult. Assume that in a certain zone the child is not independent simply because you did not teach him or show him something. Properly and patiently teach him to do it.
– The period of the child’s natural desire to be independent is lost.
From 3-4 years old, the child begins to say: “I myself.” But parents often answer this: “It’s easier for me to do it myself.” If this moment is lost, then at 13-15 titanic efforts must be made so that the child becomes independent.
– Overpressure.
Independence is passed on too early. The child is not ready yet, and the parents are constantly: “Come on, you are already an adult, you can read http://argoprep.com/blog/goal-and-strategy-for-schools/ already.” In this case, you can not hurry. Graduality and a certain period of training are important.
– Hyper-care.
You should not help your child make a portfolio, carry it to school, do homework for children. Give them the opportunity to make their own sandwich, wash the dishes. If this is not done, then the parents of 14-15-year-old children have a question: “Why does he or she do nothing? Doesn’t clean the room, doesn’t wash the dishes?”
– No mode.
Self-reliance is a skill that can be trained. There must be something stable, permanent. Then it will turn into a skill and a habit. For children, especially younger ones, it is very important when something is constantly happening. Then it becomes clear and simple.
– Lack of parental example.
Children mirror. It happens that a mother comes and says: “Oh, my son is so dependent, he scatters his things.” I ask: “And how does dad behave?” – “Well, just the same.” If you teach children one thing, but you yourself do it differently, then it will be difficult to ensure that the child has this zone of independence. Parents should be role models for desired behavior.
– Excessive criticism.
Many criticize for any reason: “sit up straight”, “straighten your back”, “why are you hunched over?”. Watch how many times a day you make a remark. If there is too much criticism, then the child may have lack of independence, as a certain protest.
– Lack of positive reinforcement.
When a child does something on his own, it should be noticed, because over time he may lose interest. In the initial stages of a new independence for a child, children need interest in order to do this further. It’s cool if the parents have a supportive position and they do not forget to praise the child. This will inspire him to become even more independent.
– Defect.
If one of the parents or both go, for example, to work, this is a painful separation for the child. Then lack of independence can be compensation. Be patient. You need to work through this negative experience with a psychologist and move on.
– Repeating the same thing over and over.
If parents make the same remarks over and over again, the brain begins to perceive the words as noise. Children stop responding to them. Change strategy. Come up with new tricks so that the child hears it.